Virtual Purim

 

By David Shamah, Jerusalem Post

 

At Purim time, there seems to be a caste system for the way the fun is distributed. People get the most, as one would expect, considering how the main protagonists in the Purim drama were humans (except for Haman – we’re still not sure about him!). Then there’s the family pet, who generally benefits from the leftover junk food that none of us want to look at the next day. And if you’re a believer in the idea of music and noise being healthy for plants, well, with all the pop gun noise and general Purim carousing, your green growing things are probably set for their noise attention for at least a month.

 

It seems that everyone gets to have a good time – except your computer! Well, never you fear – this is where you’ll learn how to get your computer into the right spirit! When you get done, your computer will have a hard time telling the difference between real e-mail and spam – not to mention Mordechai and Haman!

 

Pretty much everything we know about Purim comes from Megillat Esther, and most of us go to public readings where lots of anti-Haman tumult is the order of the day. Of course, it just wouldn’t be Purim without the old fellows in shul saying “Sha!” to the young ‘uns every few minutes, but if you want to experience a Megillah reading and actually hear all the words without the background noise, you’ll find a link to an authentic reading at http://www.613.org/purim.html, for either online listening or downloading (requires Real Audio). The same page has a number of interesting audio lectures on the holiday, too. A “kid-sized” audio narration of the Megillah story is available at http://www.tzivos-hashem.org/yomtov/purim/slideshow/prmslshw.html, with beautiful animated drawings accompanying the story. More multimedia Purim readings are available at http://www.ahaba.org/zeman.asp?id=13, which has links to a Sephardic audio Megillah reading. And if you’d rather just read your Megillah without any background aural accompaniment, you’ll find an English translation at http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/Bible/Esthertoc.html.

 

While reading the Megillah, it’s traditional to make lots of noise when the reader mentions Haman’s name – boo! Most congregants make do with a simple gragger, or the old heel-of-the-shoe-on-the-tile thing, but more enterprising folks will come equipped with sirens, foghorns, cap guns, and the like. But even those are pedestrian, compared to the Cyber fireworks display you can create yourself at http://www.cyberfireworks.com. You pick a location (baseball game, New York Skyline, etc.), turn up the volume, start clicking – and not only will you hear the satisfying crackle of fireworks going off, you’ll see a beautiful multicolor display that will steal the show when the bad guy makes his Megillah appearance.

 

Nobody living today was around when the Purim story took place, except maybe for some old tortoises or aliens, so none of really know what Mordechai, Esther and company looked like (although there are rumors that Haman looked kind of like this guy (http://www.time.com/time/poy2001/photo/khomeini.html), a number of classical artists had some interesting and striking renditions of all the Purim protagonists. Michelangelo, Rubens, Rembrandt and many other artist’s portraits of the Megillah’s highlights are viewable on-line at http://www.textweek.com/art/esther.htm.

 

OK, Megillah’s all read, now it’s time for the big Purim costume party! Some people (we all know the type!) insist on going down to the local costume store and spending top shekel on an outfit, but, if you ask me, that ruins all the fun! Why go out and buy an outfit when you can make a perfectly good one on-line for free? http://www.babaganewz.com/ has a cute costume maker, where you dress up a rather plain looking fellow in all sorts of imaginative outfits (click on the Purim link on the page). If the idea of a costume seems too ambitious, how about just making a mask? At Zigzagworld (http://www.zigzagworld.com/mask/) you can make a nice mask and crown, suitable for any up and coming Persian monarch. If you need some inspiration for an imaginative costume design, take a look at the links on http://www.milieux.com/costume/costume1.html, which is a great list of the Web’s costume sites, from stores to museums.

 

Of course, the humans at the party (you’re going to be inviting at least some people, aren’t you?) might enjoy dressing up too, and you can provide your guests with all the costumes they need by surfing to http://h71036.www7.hp.com/hho/cache/238-0-0-225-121.aspx, which is a Hewlett-Packard site with downloadable clown invitations, coasters, party hats – everything you need to have a first class clown party! All the artwork is free – you just print out the PDF file on your printer, fold (each project comes with instructions) and decorate. In fact, if you like this kind of stuff, why not take a look at the other projects on the HP Printsville site, which you can check out at http://h71036.www7.hp.com/hho/cache/257-0-0-225-121.aspx. There are projects for just about any event, holiday or celebration you can think of (I actually did not see projects for Purim, but there were a number for Chanukah and Passover). Many of the projects require card stock, but all have excellent instructions, and the site is a treasure trove of free party preparation and decoration projects.

 

Food: Well, of course you have to feed your guests. You and your human buddies will no doubt nosh the night away on hamentashen, but don’t forget to feed your PC. How about a nice ice cream cone? http://www.cybercones.com/ lets you create your own ice cream cone on-line, which you can also “send” to a friend’s computer. Couple the ice cream with a virtual Shiner brand beer (http://www.shiner.com/vrtbeer.html) which you can also e-mail, and you’ll have your computer distributing Mishloach Manot to all its buddies on the network! You’ll also need some music for your party, but forget the CD’s and illegally download MP3s (you people know who you are!). You can create your very own band on-line and have some funky tunes playing on your PC. You get to pick the style, instruments, even the musicians! If you know what you like in music, take a look at http://www.createbands.com/ and build your own rock n’roll band. And while you’re “groovin’ to the tunes,” knock your guests dead with the funniest (well, some of them are, at least) Jewish jokes this side of a Catskills geriatric comedian convention. You can find over 1,100 Jewish jokes, puzzles and riddles at http://www.awordinyoureye.com (bet you didn’t think there were that many in existence!). If your taste runs to really intelligent comedy, like “Why did the chicken cross the road,” you will have a ball at http://www.chickenjoke.com, which gives answers to that most insightful of questions as the world’s best and brightest would have answered it (Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s answer: “To go where no chicken has gone before.” You get the idea).

 

As far as that other Purim tradition, giving charity, is concerned, you can help your computer to engage in wonderful charitable works, and it won’t cost you a cent! All you have to do is follow the links on http://www.xs4all.nl/~myranya/help4free.html, which leads you to sites that have deals with all sorts of companies that will donate money every time someone clicks on the site! Organizations dedicated to finding cures for various diseases, providing food and education for the needy, and for protecting the environment can all benefit materially from your virtual donation. And if you’re about ready for the festive Purim meal, get yours on-line at http://www.mailameal.com, where you can e-mail a delicious looking e-meal to your favorite computer!

 

Wasn’t that a great Purim? Now, of course, it’s time to clean up, right? Well, don’t touch that broom! Your computer is going to be so appreciative of all you’ve for it that it will most likely be more than happy to volunteer to clean up. The Sodaconstructor on-line application at http://sodarace.net lets you build a geometric “robot” that you can race against other robots or AI creatures over the Net. You use the application’s tools to build your robot and put it into the racing pool, where you can see if your design – based on principles of geometry, gravity and physics – can be other users’ creations. And if it’s smart enough to figure out how to win a race, a little mopping and dusting should certainly not be beyond its capabilities!

 

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