A Real Geeky Comedian

 

By David Shamah, The Jerusalem Post, April 1, 2005

 

Many people think that computer folk are without humor – or rather, without "regular people" humor. Are there any people other than programmers and system administrators who think lines like "Q: What do you call that geek from your high school class after graduation? A: Boss!", or lame imitations of the old "Who's on First routine, such as "Abbot and Costello try to buy a computer," (http://www.urbaczewski.com/humor/abbott-costello.htm), are funny? Who else but geeks would see the humor in the Church of the Subgenius (http://www.subgenius.com) or cow jokes (http://userpages.umbc.edu/~dschmi1/links/cow.html)? Is the joke "Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Read the man page!" even remotely as a few minutes of an episode of "The Simpsons?"

 

So, it's understandable how computer people got a reputation for being, shall we say, droll. I suppose all that data crunching can warp the mind just a bit. Even I, who pride myself on keeping in touch with the world of non-geek humor, think that this essay, (http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/complab.html), "50 ways to confuse people in the computer lab," is funny. But it's not gut-wrenchingly funny – the kind of funny we all, geeks and non-geeks, seek. For that, we have traditionally had to turn to comedians and TV sitcoms.

 

Computer users may not be funny, but computers can be a laugh riot – and if you’re into practical jokes, your PC can supply you with endless hours of guffaws. Your computer can be the source of many a funny prank, reducing hapless victims of your practical joke into blubbering boobs, while you sit back and observe the goings-on.

 

Of course, you don’t want to do anything too mean, like unleashing a data-eating virus on a remote computer – there's a difference between funny and mean-funny. And even innocent pranks have to be administered in the right way, in an appropriate setting and at the proper time. They're only funny when played on someone that has a good sense of humor, who is not the type to go off the rails – unfortunately, qualities that are becoming rarer every day. And of course, you can't go around bugging people all the time – although on a day like April 1, it’s probably OK to play an innocent prank. So, if all the elements are in place, here is a little prank that will give you – and your victim – some good laughs.

 

So imagine, if you will, a person you work with sitting at a computer screen and opening up a blank document to begin working on. As s/he is about to begin typing, a message appears on the blank page; something like "be very careful what you write – the government has eyes everywhere!" or "I know where you live!" or "today is D-Day – the computers have decided to rise up and take control!" Then their mouse starts swirling around, the word processing program closes itself off, opens up again, turns on its screensaver, and generally gives the appearance of a machine getting ready to explode – or worse!

Imagine the chills going down their spines as they watch their PC "lose it!" They'll probably start by unplugging their keyboard and mouse, and maybe even rebooting. To no avail – when the computer comes back up, it'll be more PC insanity, guaranteed to drive them batty! At which point they will be ready to throw the thing out the window – until you come in, all smiles, bearing gifts to calm them down (you've got to pay to laugh in these kinds of situations if you don't want your nose dislocated, I have found, even if the victim is a friend and even if it's April Fool's Day).

 

No harm, no foul – what they used to call "good, clean fun." Only one problem – just how do you get a remote computer, on the other side of a room, a building, or even on the other side of the world, to do your bidding? There's no magic involved, other than the magic of IP networking – and the application responsible for this can even be used for "real" work, like controlling computers at great distances, even if there is no one present at the keyboard.

 

The technology involved in this little caper is, of course, called remote computing, of which the most well-known is PC Anywhere. With remote computing programs, you install a server on the computer you want to control from afar, and with your client – or Web browser, in some programs – and you get full access to the remote computer's desktop and hard drive. Basically, anything you can do sitting in front of the remote computer, you can do with a remote PC program.

 

Sounds neat, but there is one slight problem that may discourage even the most avid April Fool's pranksters – the price. PC Anywhere starts at about $200, and a popular competitor, Go To My PC, costs about that much a year! As much fun as driving other computer users can be, two hundred bucks is no laughing matter – the joke's on you if you spend that kind of money on a joke!

 

But you don't have to shell $200, or even $2, if you want to get into remote computing – for fun or profit! Just download RealVNC (http://www.realvnc.com), install the server on the computer you want to control and the viewer on the computer you are doing the controlling from, and you're in business!

 

RealVNC will help you with a variety of tasks, from pranks to helping remote users with computing problems, for example. If you have some important automatic task running you want to check up on, RealVNC will give you a bird's eye view of the event. Forget an important document on the desktop of a PC you have running at home? Just open up the RealVNC viewer, log on, e-mail the file to your Yahoo or Hotmail account and download onto your work PC!

 

When you set up RealVNC, you set up a password to allow access to the computer, although the free version of the program does not allow encryption. Within an office network, of course, this is not a concern, but you should be OK even if you connect remotely to a computer behind a firewall. You can also restart the remote computer, if necessary – and do it using keyboard commands, if you want. Just click on F8 from within the viewer and you get access to the remote computer's alt, ctrl, and ctrl-alt-del keys. You can also log onto your connection via a Web browser, if you don't have a RealVNC client handy.

 

The program's setup is also very simple, and logging on to the remote machine is a matter of a few keystrokes. There are two problems for home users, however; security and the matter of the "floating IP address" assigned by an ISP. For the first, having a firewall is essential; you can set your firewall to accept connections from only one IP address on port 5900, the port used by RealVNC. If you are using the free edition, the RealVNC people suggest using an SSH package, which will ensure encryption from outside RealVNC (see http://www.uk.research.att.com/archive/vnc/sshvnc.html and http://sshwindows.sourceforge.net). It's not as complicated as it sounds, although with the personal or enterprise edition of RealVNC, you don't need to do this at all, since encryption is built into those programs (pricing for the personal edition is about $30 per computer). As far as getting a permanent IP address from your ISP, fuhgeddaboudit; sign up with a service like http://www.freedynamicdns.com to get a permanent connection name you can send out to friends and clients.

 

RealVNC is Java-based, so it actually runs on almost every computer platform there is; the download site has versions for Windows NT/2000/XP, Linux, most Unixes, and even a VNC version for Mac OS X (http://www.realvnc.com/resources.html).

True, the major virtual computing programs have a number of features that RealVNC and its affiliates do not, including collaborative computing, whiteboards, and other nifty features. You do need to get something special for your $200 – or your $200 annual fee! But if you want a basic client/server connection that will allow you to take care of necessary tasks on a remote PC from anywhere in the office, or in the world, RealVNC is your app.

 

RealVNC is so simple to set up, even a child could do it – within a closed network, that is. It's a bit more complicated for remote connections, though. Because we're talking about involved Internet technology, you of course want to read the documentation on all the products mentioned above carefully. But if you do want to set up a remote over the Internet system to control your home or office computer – or to have lots of fun playing pranks on those near and far – without spending a lot or money (or even any, if you're up to setting up OpenSSH), give the world of virtual network computing, and RealVNC in particular, a try.

 

ds@newzgeek.com