Lights, Camera… and No
Action
By David Shamah, The
"Got on board a westbound 747,
Didn't think before deciding what to
do..."
January 15, flight 007,
Yeah, it's in the bag.
Hey, I love the newspaper business, but business is,
how can I put it, a little slow. But fortunately,
there is one place talented people who know how to
write can go.
Television is the way to go, if you ask me. There are
hundreds of channels, all running 24 hours a day. And so many shows are written
in teams! The credits at the end of even the most basic, low production value
show give it away – to produce even five minutes of television you need maybe
fifty people! Yep, it's a growth industry, and I intend to grow right into it.
"All that talk
of opportunity, TV breaks and movies,
Rang true, sure rang true…"
January 19,
Wow! Less than a week here and I've got my first big
meeting! I can't believe how easy it was to set up an appointment with the
third Vice-President of Late Night Programming at UPTV Studios! And he was so
nice over the phone – inviting me to breakfast. This is going to be fun!
January 19,
Omigod! I'm in! He loved everything I showed him.
The way he was talking, I might get five shows with his network! I don't know
why people put
"Out of work, I'm out of my head,
Out of self-respect, I'm out of bread
I wanna go
home"
January 27,
Well, I guess that UPTV deal just isn't going to work
out. I can't seem to get through to my friend – he always seems to be in a
meeting. I guess a busy person like him can't take every call, but from the way
he was speaking when we met – well, it's hard to believe he's not really
interested. Could it be I'm not the great writer I thought I was, after all?
February 11,
This isn’t good. It seems as if I've become persona
non-grata in TV circles. Apparently, word has gotten
out that I am just not that good of a writer! This just doesn't make sense – it
goes against everything people have been telling me about my talent all my life!
Lucky I found this busboy job. It doesn't pay much, but it'll keep me going for
awhile. But if things don't pick up soon, I'm going to have to consider my
options, as they say out here.
February 23,
Well, that was an interesting conversation. People in
this town love to "do lunch" – especially if they're not paying for
it! But it was worth paying for lunch to speak to this fellow I met here, because
I finally got someone to give me an honest critique. It was well worth the
price of a meal (this fellow really likes to eat, too) to hear a pro – he's a
retired network executive – tell me exactly what is wrong with my work.
Basically, he said, my writing is boring – no matter what I produce, it sounds
like I'm writing about computers. Can you believe that? I guess creative
writing s different from a computer column gig, after all!
"Please, don’t tell them how you found
me
Give me a break!"
May 18,
Well, I finally got my job! True, it's not a high
profile, big deal TV writing thing on a hit sitcom, but it's a start. I am
writing dialogue for professional wrestlers to banter with the interviewers of
WWF Championship Wrestling after their matches (no, those conversations are not
spontaneous, believe it or not). It sounds simple – I mean, we're talking
professional wrestlers here – but that just makes the work a greater challenge.
I got over that creative writer's block thing, thanks
to a very cool program I downloaded called WriteSparks!
WriteSparks is an idea generating program designed to
get you thinking – to help you come up with and develop creative writing ideas.
It's perfect for any kind of writing – speeches, homework, novels – and, of
course, TV writing!
WriteSparks has several tools that will give you
creative "food for thought." You can start with the First Line
Generator, which give you a first line from which to start your story. For
example, the program will give you a line like "It was an unexpected
visit," or "She remembered one evening when they were together."
If you're looking for an idea, those are as good places to start as any.
But perhaps even more useful is the What If Story
Generator tool, which will give you a scenario to work from, in "what if" format. For example, "What If you were going
to write a story about denial with a dying patient as the main character and a
ring as the key object? Set your story in a mall." See, that guy I met in
the
Or how about the Random Story Words Generator: This
one gives you a series of four words and challenges you to tie them together in
a coherent way. What would you make out of a set of words like "waiter,
pen, living room, toy car?" Or "pianist, wallet, hotel room,
knife?" The possibilities are
endless!
There are other tools, too: The Cliché Starter
Generator is a repository of clichés, which are, of course, pithy little
sayings that evoke a scenario in the mind. The Quick Prompts Generator gives
you more story ideas. And the Mixed Proverbs Generator could be used straight
out of the box for comedy writing: It generates lines like "Strike while
the iron cures all things," "Crime cures all things," and "Beauty
keeps the doctor away."
I have found every one of these tools extremely
useful in my new work. Like this stuff I wrote for The Iron Masked Hulk:
Interviewer: Well Iron Masked Hulk (IMH), it looks
like you lost another one. What are you planning for a followup?
IMH: I could rule the world! I WILL Rule the world! A
crime like this comes but once a year! I will never lose again I'll be back! Arghh!!!
See what I mean? All the "creative" lines there
came out of WriteSparks, but I usually change things
around a little bit, adding and adjusting based on the wrestler's personality. They
love me around here - the wrestlers have never sounded so intelligent! Ratings
are going through the roof because we're getting the college audience, who
couldn't be bothered with professional wrestling before! Okay, it's not a
sitcom, but give it time – I've got a lunch interview at the ABA Network next
week, and this time, I'm not paying (I made sure to ask when I set up the
date). Hey, it just started raining – I thought it wasn't supposed to do that
in
Download WriteSparks from http://
writesparks.com , for all Windows systems. The basic
program is free, and there are more advanced versions with more ideas and
generators for $37 or $77 respectively (the basic program is free and does not
expire).
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