Sweet and Sour
May 18: Dear Consumer Affairs Department,
I am writing to complain about a problem that has bothered me for a long time, and that is the constant reduction of the amount of sugar in Frosted Flakes. I have written repeatedly to Mr. Kellogg as well as Tony the Tiger, but have as yet not received a response. The name of the product these days is extremely misleading - the term 'frosted' implies that the flakes will be enrobed in sugar to the point of being saturated with sugar, which is clearly not the case these days. Something is extremely wrong with this product, and someone needs to do something about it.
May 24: Dear Consumer Affairs Department,
I am following up on my previous letter of the 18th regarding the gradual morphing of Frosted Flakes into just Flakes, which won't do any good for anyone. I'm sure you folks are very busy, but we Frosted Flakes consumers are consumers too, and we deserve some consumer affairs consideration as well.
June 4: Dear Consumer Affairs Department,
This is the third time I have written without response or satisfaction. Once again, I am extremely concerned about the level of sugar in Frosted Flakes, which seems to be diminishing by the week - the box I bought last week definitely was less sugary than the box from the week before. Please do something or I will be forced to take this matter up with higher authorities.
June 9: Dear Consumer Affairs Department,
Thank you (finally!) for your response. I wish I could say I was encouraged by your letter, but in between the insults and general negative attitude, I didn't find too much information about what you are planning to do regarding Frosted Flakes. For your information, I am not 'an old coot who obviously has nothing better to do all day than write annoying letters.' I may be old but I am not a 'coot,' whatever that is. I happen to be gainfully employed, as a matter of fact, but I do take my responsibilities as a consumer quite seriously. And yes, I am the same person who has conducted campaigns on behalf of consumers dissatisfied with Q-tips (not fluffy enough), train tickets (2/7 of a centimeter too big to fit into a standard size wallet), and 'agglomerated coffee' (isn't there a law against using the term 'coffee' to describe this substance?).
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Fighting corporate evildoers, institutional malefactors, and government profligates is hard work, but repetitive - you'd be surprised just how often the sentence 'Expect to hear from our attorneys' crops up in complaint letters. PhaseExpress makes it easy to type lots of letters threatening legal action, because all I have to do to make that whole phrase, and then some, appear, is to type in the word 'sue.'
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